Cloud Personality Types…

by dave on February 20, 2009


In the mental health world, a lot of talk is made about various pathologies, their presentations, as well as tying them to certain personality types that pre-dispose them to affliction.  That’s a mouthful to process through, but the same type of examination can be applied to those who engage in “cloud oriented behaviour.”  Here is my DSM of cloud personality types.

Update on 4/13/11:  So, @djenningspr and I have been going back and forth re: the concept of “Cloud Darwinism.”  While not truly a personality type, there IS the idea that it would nest quite well amongst this list…here we go, then…

The “Cloud Darwinist” – (cloud darwinism; cloud darwinist) – This is the person who, for all intents and purposes, is devoted to the “survival of the fittest” or, perhaps more succinctly, he “calls it like he sees it.”  Through careful examination of analyst reports, public P&L sheets for CSSPs, etc. he attempts to determine if micro-evolution of CSSPs can possibly occur or whether macro evolution of provider SLAs, infrastructure, etc. can truly allow a CSSP to survive in this “cloudy” day & age.  (attrib to @davegraham & @djenningspr)

The “Cloud Idiot” – (cloudiot) – This is the person who thinks they know more about the cloud than anyone else. They’re constantly on the prowl for the “what is …?” questions on social media platforms and provide blustery responses with vapid data validation.  Oftentimes, these folks are proven wrong in a rather humiliating and public fashion.

The “Cloud Chaser” – (cloudparazzi) – This is the person who is “All cloud, all the time” and is looking for the next “big thing” in the the cloud “atmosphere.”  Usually found trolling for data at Geva Perry‘s blog or accosting CTOs, VPs, etc. on social media.

The “Cloud Antagonist” – (cloudagonist) – This is the commiserate cloud “hater.”  This person loves DAS storage, SANs, divided fabrics and can be found extoling the virtues of direct server management via commandline and a collection of USB sticks.

The “Cloud Masochist” – (cloudochist) – This person, as opposed to the cloudagonist, is ALL in the cloud.  Using S3, GoGrid, SnapLogic, et al. as his storage and processing via EC2, the cloudochist is “putting the hurt on” those naysayers who think the cloud is bad for business.  Incidentally, the cloudochist gets unpaid vacation when the backend services go down.

The “Cloud Evangelist” – (cloudgelist) – This person extols the virtues of the cloud and it’s capabilities without ever having used any of the services. Ignorance, while blissful, doesn’t pay the bills. However, certain cloudgelists have noted that they use the product (whether it’s their own, who knows?) and it does indeed lessen wrinkles and promotes good colon health…wait, that’s something else entirely! UPDATE:  @CXI mentioned that the cloudgelist can use the cloud and still extol its virtues. Far be it from me to exclude anyone. definition revised/extended.

The “Cloud Manic” – (cloudpolar) – This person alternatively loves AND hates the cloud and all it stands for within a given week. Can usually be found smack talking a vendor about their primary storage platform in the cloud while loving on a PaaS vendor for “connecting the dots.” Rinse and repeat.

Recent Additions:

The “Cloud Pragmatist” – (cloudmatist) – This person hears all the cloud discussion, stays open minded, wonders when someone will figure out that running enterprise IT is a gritty, thankless job and won’t go away through magic or wishing hard. [attrib to @chuckhollis]

The “Cloud Terrorist” – (cloudorist) – This person has the end-goal of cloud explotation in mind, whether that be related to security or just general uselessness of cloud principles, etc.  They can be found in every corner of the cloud-o-sphere and they have secret handshakes and decoder rings. So I’m told…honest. [attrib to @ianhf]

The “Cloud Angel” – (cloudgel) – This person is the odd-bird out, really.  Not content to focus on the good or evil intentions of cloud consumers or providers, the cloudgel (not to be confused with “cudgel”) seeks to alleviate cloud-pain through good service, good counsel, and good intentions. Kind of the ephemeral customer service agent we all want to be. [attrib to @ianhf]

The “Cloud Pessimist” – (cloudimist) – This person is not to be confused with either the cloudpolar or cloudagonist personality types.  Whereas there is vile hatred for all things cloud from those aforementioned personalities, the cloudimist has their eye on the prize (whether that be a storm or puffy cloud is tbd).  They trend towards the economic for understanding the cloud, choosing ROI over “feel good cloudonomics” and TCO over “scalable OpEx” within the cloud space.  Can they ever truly be happy? You tell me…how often do YOU refresh Google Finance? [attrib to @ianhf]

The “Cloud Dealer” – (cloudealer) – This person sells the sizzle but not the substance. Happy to wrap a compute + storage package around your applications and data but falls short of keeping to the “truth, the whole truth, so help me God” mantra that, well the cloudmatist would espouse. Really wants to sell the cloud ‘cos it’s cool and “thar is gold in them [clouds]!” [attrib to @ianhf]

The “Cloud Evader” – (cloudaway) Afraid or unwilling to engage clouds and any related topics, evaders check their virtual watch and leave a vapor trail of mumbled excuses. They only bookmarks blogs and twitters that cover safe topics like “cuisine” and “roller derby.” Evaders create fringe attachments to cloudagonists, but keep a safe distance from any emotional opinions, pro or con, lest they disturb the cloud-free status quo. Stopped watching the Weather Channel in mid-2007  [attrib to @matthewglidden; also in comments below]

The “Cloud Miser” – (cloudiser) – This is the person who has statistics on all of his compute and storage cycles and is enfuriated when his cloud storage and elastic compute provider overbill. They challenge the “pay as you play” model and are routinely receiving calls from provider accounting for failure to pay the bills completely. Unhappy that cloud providers round up to the nearest penny and that they cutoff decimal places 3-10 on billing statements.  Oh, and they’re always right.

The “Cloud Hog” – (clog) – The clog is the goon that thinks the cloud revolves around them and their storage/compute needs.  Commonly runs HPC batch jobs 24/7 and views storage as his god-given right. Can be found leeching data from P2P sites and blasting them up using his “fat pipe” FIOS connection to the ether.  Blame the clog for tying the pipes up…

The “Cloud Psycho” – (clycho) – Where to begin? You see them around the ‘nets wondering about Big Brother and the security of their data and then preparing idiot “Manifestos” that attempt to show that there REALLY was an accomplice on the grassy knoll. Oh, and that the NSA is sending signals into the ether to destroy individual thought and exerting “cloud control.”  They think that the concept of cFS (a cloud file system) is akin to the “mark of the Beast” (biblical reference)…There really should be Zoloft for these guys. [attrib to @gevaperry]

The “Cloud Stalker” – (cloudalker) – You ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Could be that the cloudalker is watching you…on forums, on your blog, on Twitter, on…your webcam? Seriously.  There are not enough firewalls in the world to slow this guy down and, the cloudalker has your personal data as well.  [attrib to @gevaperry]

The “Cloud Monarch” – (cloudpoleon) – Remember the little guy from the 1800s that tried to take over the world? Napoleon wring a bell for you?  If so, that’s the archetype for the cloudpoleon.  Not content to keep data within respective cloud centers, this character wants to take over YOUR data too.  The cloudpoleon requires data to be put in HIS cloud, using HIS methods, and HIS control.  Got applications with data in the cloud? You’d better be using HIS PaaS/IaaS solution or he’ll overrun your Waterloo and…well, the rest is history. [attrib to @Beaker]

Cloud Monarch…and don’t forget Cloud Zealot. Cloud Keeper. Cloud Control. Cloud Killer. Cloud Clown. Cloud Farmer….

If you’ve got any more to share, let me know.  Happy to keep developing this.

*In case you’re way more serious about things than I am, these personality types are not real. Seriously. Go read a book or something.

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  • Michael Kotzum

    Dave, you have summed up the IT world within this post. Quite marvelously in fact. Shall we discuss the finer points of cloud formations seen while surfing the beast created by Al Gore?

  • Matthew Glidden

    The “Cloud Evader” – (cloudaway) Afraid or unwilling to engage clouds and any related topics, evaders check their virtual watch and leave a vapor trail of mumbled excuses. They only bookmarks blogs and twitters that cover safe topics like “cuisine” and “roller derby.” Evaders create fringe attachments to cloudagonists, but keep a safe distance from any emotional opinions, pro or con, lest they disturb the cloud-free status quo. Stopped watching the Weather Channel in mid-2007.

  • dave

    LOL!!!! I didn’t know Gore KNEW how to surf…. 😉

    cheers,

    Dave

  • What does it mean when you're ALL of these things!

    “I'm King of the Clouds!”

    Oh, so you should add “Cloud Monarch”

    Carry on.

  • dave

    awesome!!!! love that one.

    cheers,

    Dave

  • Pingback: Online Storage Optimization » Blog Archive » Cloud Humor Hits Blogosphere()

  • i LIKE this one. 😉

  • I hereby dub Dave Graham as the official nephologist (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nephology) of the storage world. And how do we get a modified classification for Private Clouds?

  • I personally think that I'm a Cloud Schizophrenic!

  • Michael!

    nice to hear from you. Oh, i'd say you're little less schizophrenic than you might believe. 😉

    dave

  • stu

    I hereby dub Dave Graham as the official nephologist (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nephology) of the storage world. And how do we get a modified classification for Private Clouds?

  • I personally think that I'm a Cloud Schizophrenic!

  • Michael!

    nice to hear from you. Oh, i'd say you're little less schizophrenic than you might believe. 😉

    dave

  • ana maría

    Very good article. If you are interested (like me) in all that relates to cloud storage, recomiento you visit the website: http://www.clouddesktopbuilder.com/es Also you can follow on facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Cloud-Personality/267526213292 The truth that sets us up to date with everything related to the “cloud”